Notes from Planet Widow: Finding My Way After Loss

Gwen Suesse’s latest book, Notes from Planet Widow, serves as a powerful antidote to the pain and insecurity women who’ve suffered a loss profoundly understand. Finding themselves suddenly standing on the precipice of a future they’re not sure how to navigate, they are wrapped by the author’s personal wisdom and experience in chapters using helpful quotes, poems, and analogies as carefully placed bows to inspire and coach them. Suesse’s work can easily stand as a supporting pedestal alongside self-help gurus and long-established professionals such as Brené Brown, Matt Licata, and Pema Chödrön. Divided into eight chapters that chronicle phases Suesse herself experienced, the book concludes with a very valuable list of resources in categories such as Early On; Exploring the Grief Process; Emotions; Loneliness and Solitude; Daybooks to Inspire and Light the Way Forward; and Books for Personal Growth and Healing the Soul, to name a few.

Her advice is sensible, realistic—in a word, pragmatic. The chapter entitled “Gift of Full Stop” suggests, “Before we can establish momentum in new directions, we must allow the old ways to come to an end. But this is hard because deep inside, we don’t want them to end.” At this point, she recommends a full stop, allowing oneself to rest, breathe, take time to rejuvenate the soul. She says that “Fallow time is a regenerative phase” where rest is required “to foster healing and enable renewed energy and direction.” It requires getting out of one’s own way, letting the universe ground and guide the person who has been left behind.

Through journaling, Suesse settled upon the word “unmoored” to describe the sense of entering her alone phase of life. “As a new widow I felt raw, exposed, and vulnerable… I felt: torn in half, cleft down the middle, limping along on one leg.” Lonely. Her insecurities surfaced as she thought, “I had no idea if I was interesting to others on my own. I wasn’t even sure I was interesting to myself.” Her expressions of raw truth will cut to the essence of widowhood for many.

When faced with making a decision, she encourages a new rendition of the game “You’re getting warmer!” or “You’re getting colder!” She recommends always heading for the warmer choice and letting the other go. “When faced with a decision, I ask myself what is truly required. Do I have agency? Do I have a choice in this situation? If so, I continue with a warmer/colder assessment.” Decision-making in grief is a tricky business.

I highly recommend Suesse’s book because she provides much hope in the journey toward healing after loss. She encourages her readers to watch for breadcrumbs, forks in the roads, and different opportunities. She believes that there is a grand plan bigger than any of us and that by staying in the moment, a new unfolding will reveal itself over time. “Learn to enjoy the ride instead of trying to control it fully.”

Her book is a valuable tool for growth and understanding of the aftershocks of grief.