Reviewed by Regina Allen
Posted on: March 13, 2023
Buy Now on Amazon
This book begins slow then blooms into a heroine’s story about a woman who fights depression, loneliness, and her own demons. Abandoned by her father, Ellie wanders aimlessly through life in search of meaning and connections. When she is not at work for the Urban Poverty Research Center typing labels, she walks obsessively through the streets of New York as lonely as a body could be. At night, wide awake, she listens to the city sounds and thinks—about her ex-boyfriend who refuses to make a commitment, her best friend who is independent and free, and, mostly, about her older lover.
Through journal entries we follow Ellie as she navigates a lonely existence. When she sees a class on Buddhism advertised in the East West Bookstore, she decides to give it a try. The teacher, Calvin, is an older, deceptive man who seduces Ellie by taking advantage of her need and curiosity for meaning. We see a push-pull between Ellie’s quest for self-discovery and Calvin’s ability to manipulate her nearly to the point of losing all sense of self.
They are a mismatched pair. Ellie, in her twenties, is needy and disconnected from family and community. Calvin—slovenly, short with a scraggly beard and an ever-present orange t-shirt—spouts whatever philosophical trope might be advantageous to his needs and desires. Still, Ellie puts her trust in him, believes in him. She would go to the ends of the earth for Calvin. And she does.
Even though Ellie does not view herself as one who is a doer in life, she finds herself trekking across Nepal and Tibet. Still emotionally attached to Calvin, she goes in search of a phurbu, a talisman of sorts that Calvin covets. In her search for the phurbu, she finds herself. It’s wonderful to watch her move from a nearly inert state in her sad New York apartment to embracing the world in such a magnificent way. She is a regular Indiana Jones.
In the beginning, Ellie lacks ambition in the conventional sense. Really, she doesn’t know what she wants, except to be comfortable in her own skin. She finds that, not through Calvin’s teaching but through her own experiences and the good people she meets along the way.
Time and again Ellie encounters wise women who guide and support her through her quest. Their motives are sincere and they offer what Calvin cannot. They become role models, showing Ellie how to live and how to love herself. A Buddhist nun declares, “The world is a generous place when it comes to people who will test you.”
In Kathmandu, Ellie concludes that there are other people besides Calvin who “know things,” and that they are “better people” too. She learns who to trust.
It’s the physical challenges that wake Ellie up to the answers she is looking for. Survival alone in an exotic country trekking up a mountain forces her to depend solely on herself. That is when she learns to value, respect, and love herself. That is the treasure she discovers.
Through observation and study of Buddhism, Ellie becomes wholly herself, finding meaning in even the mundane. She proclaims, “The world is created anew every minute.” Ellie’s transformation is something to witness, making this book well worth the read.
