Dancing with Red Flags

Anna Rajmon, author of the incredible memoir Elis: Irish Call Girl, has delivered an interesting self-help book in Dancing with Red Flags.

This book is a guide intended to help women understand the manipulative behaviors that define toxic relationships, in the hope that they will not get trapped in them. Rajmon shares her own experiences and insights in recognizing red flags in dating, and has studied the psychology behind those red flags. She is really good at explaining psychological ideas in a way that makes sense to people who do not have a psychology background.

The notion of “women’s intuition” is often referred to in everyday life, but Rajmon demonstrates that it is a very important tool in detecting red flags. Sometimes, we “know” that there is something not right with how someone behaves, but we do not have the words or ideas to properly explain to ourselves what it is that is wrong. That is our intuition in action—and Rajmon says it is the voice we should listen to most closely. She also notes that it is the voice we are most likely to ignore, and she insists that we cannot afford to do this if we want to be happy.

Anna Rajmon has brought to Dancing with Red Flags the same style of sarcastic humor, lovely drawings, and great writing that made Elis such a good book. She can describe awful behaviors like the silent treatment, love bombing, and ghosting in a way that will make you laugh as much as it will make you think. Her examples and her drawings all make her points very clearly, so that you never feel like you are reading up for a college course with some dry textbook—it’s written in a way that makes you feel as if Rajmon is having a friendly and funny conversation with you directly.

While Dancing with Red Flags is primarily meant for women, there is no reason men cannot learn from it too. Unfortunately, there are also toxic women who use some of the cruel and controlling tactics which Rajmon outlines here. No matter who we are, it would certainly benefit us all to learn what these tactics are so that we can recognize abusers for what they are before it is too late. Not just for relationships that we are directly in, either—it helps if you can spot when a friend or a family member is involved in a toxic relationship, too. It could be the first step toward doing something about that situation.

Overall, I found Dancing with Red Flags to be a very eye-opening book that unveils the nature of toxic relationships and can help us to “stop giving your best self to the worst people” as Rajmon puts it. The lessons her book teaches are ones thtat will be beneficial to us all, and especially to the women it is intended for. Very highly recommended.