My brother was battling cancer when his daughter, my niece, completed her master’s degree. He was determined to make the 2,000-mile trip to see her graduate. And also to meet the someone-special she’d been seeing; it had a forever kind of vibe about it.
When my brother returned home, we talked for a few minutes until I couldn’t contain myself and blurted, “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Well, is he The One?”
"Oh yes,” my brother said, as if it were that obvious. “As long as she doesn’t get in her own way.”
Getting in our own way is something I’ve observed in writers. It can be easy to see in others, not so easy to see in ourselves. It’s a compelling reason we need editors. A recent post on a Facebook writers forum read:
I’m working on a rom com but my ideas are coming in spurts and I’m writing so little each day. And while I feel it’s good work, this process may take too long and I may lose interest in it. Anyone else ever feel like this?
My response to this writer was:
"I edited your post for you: I’m working on a rom com. My ideas are coming in spurts and I’m writing each day. It’s good work. Writer, trust the process and enjoy the ride. Too often we get in our own way by imposing artificial deadlines or rules that may make sense for others but not for our unique journey. Every book, every author is different. Even if you do lose interest, it's not necessarily the end of your project. I can't count the WIPs I've put aside but come back to days, months, or years later with fresh eyes. Because I trust the process, I never feel it’s taking too long. That trust has never let me down. A work either comes to be, or it doesn't.”
The first step out of your own way is to put aside arbitrary dictates that don’t serve your writing persona, your mojo. There’s no magic number of words or minutes you must write per day, no standard length a post, chapter, or book should be, no words you should never use (yes, adverbs and passive verbs have their place when applied judiciously). Trust your rhythms and instincts, honing them as you grow as a writer.
The lexicon of writing teems with negatives. I keep my path open by rejecting self-sabotaging terms like rejection, writer’s block, false start. I reframe these energy drainers as tools. A decline is just a gentle directive to keep looking for the right home for my work. Writer’s block is a rest pause, a time to refill the creative well, consider unexplored directions. A start is a start, no “false” about it, considering the value and necessity of warm-ups, practice, creative experimentation, freewriting. I avoid perspective-narrowing absolutes like must, always, or never.
I remind myself to not be my own biggest obstacle.
I was already a nonfiction book author and magazine columnist when I began writing my novel, The River by Starlight. I had no training in fiction writing, no fancy software aids. I did struggle with whether I could call myself a novelist if the book were never published. That was perhaps the toughest writing tussle I ever had with myself—having to take my own advice, get out of my own way, reframe self-sabotaging language. Eventually I did: I was indeed a novelist, because I had written a novel. And when I reached that peace of mind, everything else leading to publication began to fall into place.
My niece married her someone special. They’ve enriched our tribe with three adored children. The oldest showed her writer-storyteller chops early on; a blank journal is my usual birthday gift to her. I’m betting no one will have to tell her to get out of her own way.
Image by Freepik.com
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