• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Connect
  • Donate
  • Join
  • Login
Story Circle Network Logo

Story Circle

by, for, and about women

  • Home
  • Events
    • Spain Writing Trip
    • Members in the News
    • Opportunities
  • Classes
    • Online Classes
    • Webinars
    • Enroll
    • Propose a Class
    • Propose a Webinar
  • Book Reviews
    • Story Circle Book Reviews
    • For Authors & Publishers
    • Author Interviews
    • For Reviewers
    • Review Team
  • Publications
    • SCN Journal
    • Our Substack
      • True Words from Real Women
      • StoryCraft: Writers Write About Writing
      • Submit a post
    • Real Women Write anthology
      • 2024 Anthology
    • Member Library
    • Story Circle Books
    • Flash newsletter
  • Book Awards
    • Sarton & Gilda
    • Guidelines
    • Sarton Application
    • Gilda Application
    • Past SCN Book Award Winners
  • Contests
    • The Story Circle LifeWriting Competition
    • The Story CIrcle Poetry Competition
    • The Story Circle Online Writing Competition
  • Resources
    • Circles Program
    • Roundtables
    • Opportunities
    • Member Library
    • Media
  • About
    • About SCN
    • Member Benefits

The Tao of Memoir

December 1, 2020 by Story Circle Network 4 Comments

This is the fifth in a series of six posts by Matilda Butler.

This reflection on the Tao of Memoir Writing begins with an understanding that not all stories are created equal. Some vignettes we write evoke pleasant memories. It is tempting to tell these stories as if we are still experiencing them. Other vignettes evoke quite the opposite memories. When we tell these stories, we want to "keep our distance." Consider:

Too close or too far away, we cannot see clearly.

There is a best distance for recalling each event of our lives.

Some stories may be pure delight; they invite us to recount them from an intimate distance. Yet if we stand too close, we may miss their meaning.

Other stories may be too painful to tell without distance, without a narrator's voice that lets us step outside the situation. Yet if we are too far away, we may lose sight of the emotional and factual truths hidden within.

TAO OF MEMOIR WRITING TIP: We write memoirs for many reasons. But a common outcome across all the reasons for starting is a better understanding of ourselves at the ending.

A TAO TRY THIS: Take a magazine article. Hold it up so that it almost touches your eye. What do you see? Take that same article and put it on the other side of the room. Now walk back to where you usually sit. What do you see?

If you do this exercise, you'll understand what we mean in this Tao of Memoir Writing. "Too close or too far away, we cannot see clearly." When the article was next to your eye, you couldn't make out a single word, possibly not even a single letter. The parallel in memoir writing is the story when you include many details but forget to bring out why it mattered.

When the article was across the room, you couldn't read words. In memoir writing, this is the equivalent of crafting a vignette in such a remote way that the reader wonders why you bothered to include it. Again, to "see clearly" our lives, we need to write at the mid-range, neither too close nor too far away.

This is not to say we write about all events in the same way or from the same distance. Be prepared to move in as close as comfort allows. But before you conclude your story, move back. Put the story in context. Consider its impact on your life.

TAO OF MEMOIR WRITING PROMPT: Write a paragraph about an event or person in your life. The first time, lavish details on this vignette. Get as close as you can. The second time, write with coldness and detachment. Reflect on how you feel after each effort. Write a second paragraph for each version. In the second paragraph take the story and put it in context, personal, cultural, or historical. Give the vignette perspective, personal perspective. How did you feel? How did it change you?

As you write your memoir consider the implication for you and your reader of writing at various distances from the story.

by Matilda Butler

Pat Bean is a retired journalist who is passionate about nature, books, art and writing. A native Texan, and longtime Utah resident, she spent nine years traveling this country in an RV. She now lives in Tucson with her canine companion Pepper. Her book, Travels with Maggie, was published in September, 2017. Pat is a staff writer for the Story Circle Journal, is the co-mom of the Writer2Writer Roundtable, and manages SCN's tweets. Visit her blog.

Filed Under: StoryCraft: Writers Write About Writing

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Janet Grace Riehl says

    September 22, 2016 at 8:35 am

    I’m enjoying this series. From a book in the making?

    On Sep 22, 2016 5:03 AM, “Telling HerStories: The Broad View” wrote:

    > Matilda Butler posted: “This is the fifth in a series of six posts by > Matilda Butler. This reflection on the Tao of Memoir Writing begins with an > understanding that not all stories are created equal. Some vignettes we > write evoke pleasant memories. It is tempting to tell th” >

    Reply
  2. Matilda Butler says

    September 22, 2016 at 11:02 am

    Hi Janet: These Tao of Memoir Writing posts come from a series of thoughts and reflections on memoir writing. Not part of a book. Just for the enjoyment of others engaged in memoir writing. Glad you are finding them interesting. One more to come…

    Reply
  3. proflisahacker says

    September 26, 2016 at 10:46 am

    I love this…I’m preparing to ghostwrite a memoir and I’m going to show these posts to my client to help her prepare for the process…

    Reply
    • Matilda Butler says

      September 26, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Thanks for your comment. Congratulations on the ghostwriting assignment. I know you will enjoy the process and it sounds as if you are already thinking how to make this effort valuable to the client in ways beyond a finished memoir. I appreciate you taking the time to read these posts. Best wishes with your writing.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

JudeWalsh

This blog is coordinated by author Jude Walsh.

Subscribe

Get new posts in your inbox!
Loading

Archives

2009-2019 Archives

This blog is written by Story Circle members.


Not a member? Go here to join.

Contributors

  • Ariela Zucker - View Blog
    • Using Photographs to Enhance Writing
  • Cynthia F Davidson - View Blog
    • Would I, Could I, Should I Write a Memoir?
  • Debra Thomas
    • The Better Story: Why I Prefer Fiction
  • Ellen Notbohm - View Blog
    • Writer, Get Out of Your Own Way
    • Why Not Me?
  • Fran Hawthorne - View Blog
    • I'm Listening
    • Can a Journalist Really Write Fiction?
  • Francesca Aniballi - View Blog
    • Journaling into Winter and the New Year
  • Gerry Wilson - View Blog
    • When Life Gets in the Way
    • Tough Story Love—How to Receive It
  • Linda Maria Steele
    • How Visual Images Can Shape Us as Writers
  • JSchecterZeeb
    • A Fishing Expedition
  • Jude Walsh
    • We've Moved!
    • Publishing Opportunities
  • Kali - View Blog
    • August 1 - Why I Love Story Circle Network
    • May 31 - Fiction vs. Memoir: Finally I Made The Choice
  • kathrynhaueisen - View Blog
    • Endings as Prologue to New Beginnings
  • B. Lynn Goodwin - View Blog
    • Trouble Getting Words on the Page?
    • Crawl Inside Your Character's Head
  • Linda Wisniewski - View Blog
    • The Space Between Stories
  • Len Leatherwood
    • The Beauty of Revision
    • Interview with Dinty W. Moore On Flash Nonfiction
  • madeline40 - View Blog
    • What It Takes to Write a Book
  • Marilea Rabasa - View Blog
    • My Life As Pentimento
    • Spelunking
  • Claire Butler
    • E-Circle-Six
    • Lovin’ Story Circle Network
  • simonandrea - View Blog
    • Here's the Story of Lovely Ladies
    • Severe Behavior Problems
  • Story Circle Network - View Blog
    • Someday, I'll Write
    • Wisdom from Brenda Ueland on Writing & Creativity
  • Sarah White - View Blog
    • Three Writing Prompts to Make You a "Writer in Residence" This Summer

Footer

Story Circle Network Logo
  • Home
  • About
  • Classes
  • Publications
  • Book Reviews
  • Growing Together
  • Connect
  • Donate
  • Join
  • Login

Copyright 1997 - 2025  Story Circle Network, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy