• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Connect
  • Donate
  • Join
  • Login
Story Circle Network Logo

Story Circle

by, for, and about women

  • Home
  • Events
    • Spain Writing Trip
    • Members in the News
    • Opportunities
  • Classes
    • Online Classes
    • Webinars
    • Enroll
    • Propose a Class
    • Propose a Webinar
  • Book Reviews
    • Story Circle Book Reviews
    • For Authors & Publishers
    • Author Interviews
    • For Reviewers
    • Review Team
  • Publications
    • SCN Journal
    • Our Substack
      • True Words from Real Women
      • StoryCraft: Writers Write About Writing
      • Submit a post
    • Real Women Write anthology
      • 2024 Anthology
    • Member Library
    • Story Circle Books
    • Flash newsletter
  • Book Awards
    • Sarton & Gilda
    • Guidelines
    • Sarton Application
    • Gilda Application
    • Past SCN Book Award Winners
  • Contests
    • The Story Circle LifeWriting Competition
    • The Story CIrcle Poetry Competition
    • The Story Circle Online Writing Competition
  • Resources
    • Circles Program
    • Roundtables
    • Opportunities
    • Member Library
    • Media
  • About
    • About SCN
    • Member Benefits

I’m Listening

January 28, 2023 by Fran Hawthorne 4 Comments

Like many people, in the first months of Covid, I transformed my social life from meals and movies, into long walking-talks with friends. But by early 2021, I pretty much ended those excursions. Life was too messed up, and I didn’t feel like chatting.

However, that created new problems: My friends were confused and hurt, and I missed them. So I offered a suggestion: “I’d love to see you, if you’ll do all the talking.”

As it turned out, those new walking-talks were wonderful. They made me a better person -- and a better writer.

In the olden days, even as my friends were speaking, part of my brain would already be mapping out my potential response. (‘Fess up, don’t you do the same thing sometimes?)

Now, I simply – listened. With my complete attention. And I heard more. I heard the hesitations before words, and the words that were swallowed at the ends of sentences. I heard the seventh and eighth and ninth details, and the phrases that were countered by “never mind.”

Meanwhile, my friends got all the time and space they needed. An initial topic might wander into multiple side channels. One friend was worried about her father, who had dementia and lived many states away from her. She was trying to arrange to visit him, but her job suddenly got busy, so it was hard to take time off, especially since there was an annoying client who texted her at all hours.

Not talking didn’t mean ignoring my friends. When they seemed to come to a long pause, to want me to speak up, I certainly did, and I was probably able to give them a more thoughtful response than I used to do.

For my part, I didn’t miss the supposed opportunity to unload my own problems or brag about my newest success. In fact, it was a relief not to have to articulate a lot of words. I didn’t have to worry about clumsily saying the wrong thing or recounting a stupid joke that fell flat.

Although I didn’t start doing this extra-sensitive listening to improve my writing, of course it did. Inevitably, I think, I’ve gained more insight into why and how people feel about the complications of their lives, and how they express those feelings. All of that – you could call it accidental research –is helping me create deeper characters and better dialogue.

Still, I’d be a lousy friend if I did nothing but listen. Most people don’t really want to spout a permanent monologue, and they certainly don’t want to be guinea pigs for scenes in my novels.

If I never speak, I become a vacuum cleaner, sucking up other people’s vulnerabilities without revealing my own. 

Yes, I’m talking with my friends again. I haven’t figured out how to be a perfect listener, friend, or conversationalist (and certainly not a writer of pitch-perfect dialogue). But I’ve learned that communication involves a combination of speaking candidly plus listening with love.

Photo by Wonderlane on Unsplash

I’ve been writing novels since I was four years old, although I was sidetracked for years by journalism. (That award-winning detour included eight nonfiction books plus writing for the New York Times, BusinessWeek, and more.) But I never abandoned my true love: My novel I Meant to Tell You (Stephen F. Austin State University Press) was a finalist for SCN's Sarton Award and other honors. My third novel, Her Daughter, will be published in January 2026 by Black Rose Writing.

Filed Under: StoryCraft: Writers Write About Writing

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Barbara Bos says

    January 30, 2023 at 12:22 pm

    Such an inspiring piece! I really enjoyed reading this, I love the fact you turned it into a kind of experiment!

    Reply
    • Fran Hawthorne says

      April 11, 2023 at 3:01 pm

      Thank you so much, Barbara. (Not that I want to make a habit of experimenting on my friends!)

      Reply
  2. Gerry Wilson says

    April 2, 2023 at 4:26 pm

    Fran, I enjoyed this piece. It made me think about the dialogue I include in stories and whether what the characters say to each other really needs to be there. Sometimes, silence says a lot!

    Reply
    • Fran Hawthorne says

      April 11, 2023 at 3:04 pm

      Gerry, I’m so glad you found my piece helpful. And you raise a good point: Characters can talk too much in fiction, just like we (or at least, I) can talk too much in real life.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

JudeWalsh

This blog is coordinated by author Jude Walsh.

Subscribe

Get new posts in your inbox!
Loading

Archives

2009-2019 Archives

This blog is written by Story Circle members.


Not a member? Go here to join.

Contributors

  • Ariela Zucker - View Blog
    • Using Photographs to Enhance Writing
  • Cynthia F Davidson - View Blog
    • Would I, Could I, Should I Write a Memoir?
  • Debra Thomas
    • The Better Story: Why I Prefer Fiction
  • Ellen Notbohm - View Blog
    • Writer, Get Out of Your Own Way
    • Why Not Me?
  • Fran Hawthorne - View Blog
    • I'm Listening
    • Can a Journalist Really Write Fiction?
  • Francesca Aniballi - View Blog
    • Journaling into Winter and the New Year
  • Gerry Wilson - View Blog
    • When Life Gets in the Way
    • Tough Story Love—How to Receive It
  • Linda Maria Steele
    • How Visual Images Can Shape Us as Writers
  • JSchecterZeeb
    • A Fishing Expedition
  • Jude Walsh
    • We've Moved!
    • Publishing Opportunities
  • Kali - View Blog
    • August 1 - Why I Love Story Circle Network
    • May 31 - Fiction vs. Memoir: Finally I Made The Choice
  • kathrynhaueisen - View Blog
    • Endings as Prologue to New Beginnings
  • B. Lynn Goodwin - View Blog
    • Trouble Getting Words on the Page?
    • Crawl Inside Your Character's Head
  • Linda Wisniewski - View Blog
    • The Space Between Stories
  • Len Leatherwood
    • The Beauty of Revision
    • Interview with Dinty W. Moore On Flash Nonfiction
  • madeline40 - View Blog
    • What It Takes to Write a Book
  • Marilea Rabasa - View Blog
    • My Life As Pentimento
    • Spelunking
  • Claire Butler
    • E-Circle-Six
    • Lovin’ Story Circle Network
  • simonandrea - View Blog
    • Here's the Story of Lovely Ladies
    • Severe Behavior Problems
  • Story Circle Network - View Blog
    • Someday, I'll Write
    • Wisdom from Brenda Ueland on Writing & Creativity
  • Sarah White - View Blog
    • Three Writing Prompts to Make You a "Writer in Residence" This Summer

Footer

Story Circle Network Logo
  • Home
  • About
  • Classes
  • Publications
  • Book Reviews
  • Growing Together
  • Connect
  • Donate
  • Join
  • Login

Copyright 1997 - 2025  Story Circle Network, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy