From Junkie to Judge

Early abandonment, physical and verbal abuse, neglect, and chaos take a toll on Mary Beth O’Connor beginning at a very early age. With a mother who disconnects emotionally from her children as she struggles with her own abusive relationships and marriages, we witness a tragic cycle that impacts the way Mary Beth and her siblings struggle to form relationships with others throughout their lives. Chapter titles give the reader a clue to the author’s downward spiral: Protecting the Siblings, Moving Out, Molestations, Alcohol, Pot, Sex, Pills, Acid… Yet Another Kidnapping….

Fortunately, some educators come to the rescue. Realizing her intelligence, they provide the only positive feedback she ever seems to get that is not focused on her body. Some teachers see her bruises but do nothing to investigate her home life. Amazingly, O’Connor is able to function and get high marks in school and college in spite of stepping out frequently to shoot up crystal meth or “crank.” But a history of covering needle tracks in her arms and disguising much weight loss are challenges not common to most students admitted to Berkeley law school. After five years sober, Mary Beth O’Connor became determined to realize her dream of becoming a lawyer. One part of her brain was most capable; now she needed to work on the other part.

O’Connor’s book is more than a journal of past drinking and drug experiences, some of which will surprise and shock the reader. It is, in its purest essence, a lesson on self-help for those seeking sobriety. It is especially powerful for those who have trouble with Alcoholics Anonymous’ twelve steps, stating that one must believe in a higher power and give over one’s powerlessness to that higher power. O’Connor provides other program options that she became aware of as she struggled with this aspect of AA. She makes the point that most addicts want to get “fixed” and “get fixed fast.” She points out that working one’s way out of addiction or substance use disorder (SUD) is a long, hard-fought battle. Working to re-circuit the brain through not using is just one aspect—a person also needs to address the pain that has been pushed down. This is the root pain causing the anxiety, depression, and compulsion to get numb to life. She includes a chapter on “Recovery Guidelines” with helpful advice such as “Remember, it’s drugs or happiness… I realized I could use drugs or be happy and productive.” In “Recovery Checklist,” she lists treatment considerations and asks questions that might help a person struggling with SUD focus in on ways to make treatment work for them.

This book is an important tool for people struggling with substance use disorders. It offers an amazing ray of hope, even as the reader witnesses a true accounting of relapse after relapse. At some point, with enough determination, a user will understand that there is hope, a possibility of escape from the ravages that threaten to take a person down. Maybe a personalized plan guided by the final chapters of O’Connor’s memoir can help.