America's Unthinkable Crisis
On Sunday, September 9, I left Austin right after church and Sunday School to drive to Uvalde, where I checked into a motel. The weather did not permit me to use the pool so I stayed in my room and finished the Jonathan Kellerman myster I had brought with me. The next morning I drove the 60 miles to the closing on the sale of the ranch where I had lived for 27 years and where I had reared my five children. I was aware of the closing of a big part of my life and knew that the day was of significance to me and my children and I returned to the motel room to spend another night alone, planning to go to the home of a dear friend of fifty years the next morning. I had not seen a newspaper, listened to the radio or turned on a television since I left home, spending my time in introspection. Tuesday morning, when I went to turn in my key, the TV was on and the girls in that office asked if I had heard the news. They said that America was being bombed. My reaction was denial and I asked if it could be a hoax and they said "No, It's on the TV". I asked who was doing it, and they said something about "The exorcist". I left there to drive to my friend's house in a state of considerable confusion. On my car radio, I heard that the Uvalde County Court House was being closed except for one door guarded by an ormed officer, the Uvalde City Hall, likewise. There was an eerie quality to it all. I felt the unreasonable superstitious idea that It was all my fault. I had not kept up with the news for several days and therefore had let it happen because of my inattention. I knew this was ridiculous, but it was there.
When I got to my friend's house, she was not there. I knew she was expecting me. I searched my mind for explanations and the first one I came across was that she had been raptured! I was not that sure about my own beliefs regarding a literal rapture but I just knew that she had gone and I was still here! Then I started thinking in terms of her reaction to the tragic events. After all, she had just turned eighty-eight years old and had a history of heart attacks. I was going to check the local hospitals but mad one more cirle around her neighborhood and then found her at home. She had figured that I would be later getting there and her son-in-law had taken her to the grocery store. Tuesday and Wednesday, we watched television in horrified facination, then would turn it off and talk. We talked about old times and caught each other up with our respective family news and then talked about what was going on right now. Sometimes we watched the news and talked at the same time. I went with her to heer church Wednesday night for a prayer meeting.We had a good visit, bitter-sweet, and tinged with our shared feelings about the ongoing happenings. Friday, I drove home, stopping once at a McDonald's in New Braunfels where I stood and watched a real time televised picture of the just-rescued fireman walking out under his own steam, as tears rolled down my checks. I reminded myself that he was only one of thousands and had been part of a rescue team lost in the debris relatively recently, but I felt joy for him and for his family and a surge of hope for us all, even though I could not have explained it. I was eager to return to Austin, where I talked on the phone to one daughter and to my sister-in-law, and learned that her grandson, who lives in New York City had called her and was safe. Then I drove to the one of the daughter who lives near me and hugged and kissed her, my two granddaughters and my son-in-law. I am anxious about what will happen next and am conflicted about it. The perpetrators should not "get by" with this unthinkable atrocity, but are we to be plunged into total war? There is no "good" or "right" answer. I remind myself that any crisis is an instrument of change and opportunity and pray that "good and right" decisions be made by those in authority.
As we approach the anniversary of the September 11th tragedy, and I take a longer view, I realize that my thinking has evolved in many areas and I have come to a few conclusions:
If I find myself looking with distrust at any other human being or group of human beings because they look different from my family and loved ones----the terrorists have won.
If I judge that because another person or group of persons do not pray in English, or call the being I know as God by some other name, they are in error and not my friend---the terrorists have won.
If I make decisions about travel based on fear or on the desire to avoid the complications of increased security,-----the terrorists have won.
If I don’t continue to participate in the nurture and education of children with the expectation that they will live to have children and grandchildren of their own in an ongoing free world-----the terrorists have won.
If I repeat and spread rumors of possible impending disaster which have not been authenticated by reliable sources---the terrorists have won.
If I believe that any realistic assessment and/or criticism of any government agency or official is treasonous or unpatriotic----the terrorists have won.
If I discount the mistreatment of women and children in other cultures or parts of the world, the terrorists have won.
If I write off the hoodlums, vandals, and terrorists in my own country or anywhere on the planet, as being worthless and not worth caring about---the terrorists have won; but if I accept their behavior as inevitable and don’t concern myself with the seeking of societal solutions to the problems -------the terrorists have won.
I believe that the terrorists have not won!!
Last updated: 08/19/01