I am having such a hard time reconciling my outrage, my gut response for revenge and punishment with what I know to be morally right and true. That my hatred and anger damages only myself. Yet I know that the culture of terrorism, the culture of hatred against America exists with no thought of the moral wrongs of violence. I know that they would see the turning aside of anger as weakness.

They have lost their way, lost the essential kernels of the faith they espouse so fanatically. Do I allow them to lead me astray in my own moral certitude - for surely that gives them a personal victory over me.

If I permit myself to wave the flag, to fill my heart with misplaced patriotism - then they have won.

I cry because I am being tested. It is easy, too easy to wrap myself in my beliefs and decry war and terrorism and violence when it is half a world away. But now it is immediate. I must take a moral position - an unpopular position.

War does not choose its victims. War is indiscriminate. How can I wish harm on someone's parent, someone's wife, and someone's son? I see our country being pushed to war, and not by outside forces. I hear the politicians in whom I have a right to trust with my interests with death-lust in their voices. I see my friends and neighbors being roused into a frenzy for war and vengeance by media manipulation.