Up early as always. I spent the first couple of hours getting my husband off to work, myself showered and dressed, and I made my son Zane’s breakfast. I tidied the living room before Emily’s visit. Zane, who is two, was diagnosed with expressive language delay and Emily is the therapist who visits on Tuesday mornings to help him form words through play. When the phone rang it was Emily, saying she’d be running late, she was watching TV. I thought, what could be so important that she’d be so transfixed by something on TV but I said, no problem, get here when you can.

Then I checked for new email on my laptop in the kitchen. A single sentence, all caps message sent by the owner of a political website announced breaking news so I turned to the TV and flicked it on. ABC news showed the World Trade Center with smoke clouds rising into a light blue sky. In an instant it switched cameras to another familiar building that was also emitting smoke. Two freak plane crashes in one morning? My first reaction was disbelief, as I listened to the disbelief in the voices of the commentators.

Emily arrived and got busy playing with Zane but I had to listen some more. I had many questions and as more news filtered through, felt stirrings of anger. I tried to get the New York Times site online with no luck. I turned off the TV and tried to concentrate on Zane’s therapy. My husband called to suggest that I cancel my afternoon meeting near the State Capitol building. Very distracted, I returned to Zane and Emily and their Play-Doh dinosaurs. As I rolled out a hot pink snake, my thoughts were in New York and northern Virginia. My brother Christopher lives in the city! I’ll call my parents later. What other destruction was waiting for us? If they hit the Pentagon, does that mean a nuclear missile is on the way? Zane smooshed the snake I gave him with one hand and said “broke!” in a loud, triumphant voice.

Emily applauded his progress and I was happy that he using his new words. One of which, when I told her he had been saying it a lot recently, struck me as being appropriate for this day. Dark. Zane exclaims this word in excitement when I flick the lights on and off in his room at night. But I was beginning to see the eerie meanings of darkness. The darkness a thousand souls must have felt while trapped a smoke filled, crumbling skyscraper. The empty, dark places in the lives of those who lost family and friends. The evil darkness of a terrorist’s heart. The dark threat of what other disasters may lie ahead. Once Emily left I just took Zane onto my lap and hugged him. I hugged him many times through the day and gave him a hug for his Nanna who called from England just to hear our voices. And for my parents who called to say that Christopher was sleeping half the day and had to be told what was going on a few miles away from his own apartment. My husband came home at lunchtime just to be with us.