Story Circle Network
Austin Chapter
Reader's Guide

January 2003

Tangled Lives

Tangled Lives: Daughters, Mothers, and the Crucible of Aging
by Lillian Rubin

Sociologist and psychotherapist Rubin, currently a senior research associate at the Institute for the Study of Social Change at the University of California, Berkeley, has written powerful books before, for example, Families on the Fault Line (1993) and The Transcendent Child (1996). Now she has written a profoundly personal book, meditating on aging and on the mother-daughter relationship by describing a pivotal period in her own life...

  1. Repeating last month's question, do you see Rubin's story in the title?

  2. What did Rubin want from her mother? Beginning at age 45, what part did Rubin's vocation as therapist play in telling her story? Is Rubin a good writer?

  3. There is sorrow in Rubin's relations with Aunt Lil, though Aunt Lil is a foil or an opposite of her mother. Does this shape Lillian?

  4. At one point Lillian names what may drive her fear of age - a degree of self-hate internalized as an immigrant Jew. Despite courage and accomplishments, the burden of being an outsider both helps and shadows Lillian. Can you say how?

  5. Where was Lillian like and unlike her mother? Can you give examples of Lillian's compassion for her mother as a reflecting adult?

  6. Do you share Lillian's concerns about aging?

  7. Lillian says the old are treated differently in our culture. Do you agree? How does Rubin mount this challenge?

  8. Lillian names two gifts from her mother. What influence had they, if any?

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